Seriously, though, this happened sometime in May or June, I think.  It was a beautiful warm day, not hot and humid yet.  The kind of day that makes you feel alive, and happy to be so.  The kind of day that you feel like nothing dangerous or evil exists; and if it does, then it’s certainly not going to bother YOU today.  But I would come to find out that that was so very wrong.  I left the apartment in the late afternoon on this fine Saturday, not a care in the world.  I had no sense of foreboding as I bounded down the steps of my apartment building.  But at the 4th step, movement by my foot caught my eye.  It’s amazing how quickly the mind works.  In just a split second, my brain went through the possibilities of what the movement may be: a mouse?  a cockroach?  a leaf? a dust bunny? an incredibly tiny and mute dog?   Then my brain registered that this wasn’t just any movement; this thing had snapped at me.  I skipped down the remaining few steps, turned, and was horrified to discover that the source of the snapping was…a giant Japanese clawed googly-eyed crayfish monster thing!  It was staring at me warily with one of  its eyes attached to the end of a stalk.  The other eye stalk was stretched out in a different direction, but I could tell me was giving me the stink-eye with that one, as well.  Anyone could see he was angry, just daring me to try and get back to the safety of my apartment.  He viciously snapped in my general direction with one of his jagged claws as if to say, “That’s right!  These are MY stairs, girlie!”  I was frozen with fear, rooted to my spot.  For a moment, I thought I’d actually gone insane and was having a schizophrenic hallucination, or something to that effect.  My mind reeled at the sight of the impossible creature.  And then I realized, I was in Japan, after all.  I mean, this is the home of Godzilla and Mothra, giant turtles and killer robots.  What’s a giant clawed googly-eyed crayfish monster thing compared to those?

Anyway, I quickly recovered my senses enough to escape, praying desperately that it wouldn’t follow me.  I dreaded coming home all evening, but it was all for naught.  It seemed the monster had better things to eat than me, and by 10:30 that night it had disappeared.  The truth is that as time passes, I wonder if I ever really saw it.  Was it just a figment of my imagination?  Had I eaten some bad sushi?  I only know that I never want to see it again.   I was so freaked out that I didn’t even have the presence of mind to take a picture of it with my camera phone, although it probably would have just wrenched the phone out of my hands and smashed it against the wall.  Anyway, I’ll post a picture of a creature that bears some resemblance, although please note that it lacks the same fury in its eyes:

This must be a much smaller and kinder cousin to the creature that I saw. Notice how he ISN'T snapping his claws menacingly.

I hope you all can sleep tonight…

I recently made a grievous error of the worst kind in trying to improve my appearance.  In Japan, it is the fashion to remain as pale as the day you were born.  I believe I’ve mentioned this before.  Part of the reason for this may be that the climate here does not lend itself well to tanning.  In June, it rains or is cloudy almost every day.  And when the sun finally emerges in July, it’s so hot and humid that you don’t want to go outside even to water the flowers.  You are forced to sequester yourself within the air-conditioning until at least mid-September.  So really, there are not many opportunities to get a decent tan.  For this reason, I have been using the Jergens Natural Glow lotion.  It works well.  It gives a very natural color and never streaks or spots.  Very easy to use.  But it’s a bit light.  Perhaps it was that small complaint which led me to try something new.  While I was recently in the States, I asked a friend if she used a certain brand of self-tanner, to which she replied no, but then gave me the name of another brand.  In fact, she gave me what she had at home of the other brand so I could try it.

Well, I got back and of course got busy and fell into my normal routine.  I forgot about the tanner she had given me.  Until she sent me a package with another, brand-new tube.  I decided maybe it was time for a change.  My friend had used it on herself, after all.  I read the directions, and scrubbed and shaved my legs in preparation.  Then I VERY CAREFULLY and VERY THOROUGHLY (this is important) spread the gel VERY EVENLY over my legs and feet.  Feeling confident, I went to read a book while I waited for it to dry.

Perhaps I was used to the fool-proof, overly-light Jergens lotion, which can be applied very liberally.  Perhaps I only imagined I was careful and thorough.  I have gone back to that fateful Monday night many times in my memory, yet I cannot account for the disaster that struck next.  I’m not quite sure how long it was after I applied the lotion (1 hour?  2?), but I looked down at my legs and was horror-struck by what I saw.  There, stretched out on the floor in front of me, were two legs that I would never have identified as mine if they had not been so obviously connected to my body.  They were streaked and spotted with brown.  There were huge holes, for lack of a better word, that looked as if I had purposely avoided them as I was applying the lotion.  While the tops of my toes were dark, the spaces in between were still pinkish-pale.  And the color that actually did show up was not a color that is seen in nature.  It looked like the melanin in the lower half of my body had suddenly revolted.

Needless to say, I have been avoiding skirts, capris and sandals since then.  I think I am on the mend, though.  After about 5 unbearably hot days of wearing jeans and shoes that cover my entire foot, it looks like I may be able to pull off a skirt tomorrow.  I hope one more good scrubbing in the shower in the morning does the trick.

I’ve included pictures below, but believe me that they do not accurately convey the ugliness.  Enjoy!

This incident is the latest in a series of increasingly stupid mistakes. Take last Wednesday for example. It was test day for my students. At my 3rd (and last) class, I completely forgot to give them the reading portion of their test. It never even occurred to me. Not until I was grading their tests afterward and saw the glaring omission in the reading score box.

And I’m the one teaching the next generation how to communicate.

Breakfast casserole with ham, broccoli, mushroom, green pepper, onion, and Swiss AND cheddar cheeses

Homemade zucchini bread with raisins

English muffins with blueberry jam and/or butter (for those who don’t like raisins)

Fresh apples, bananas and strawberries

Orange juice and coffee or tea

All in all, I suppose it’s not the most exciting menu.  Breakfast is to be served at 7:30 AM, so I opted for a less time-consuming, all-in-one casserole rather than “the works” (pancakes, bacon, eggs, hash browns).  I SO did not want to begin cooking at some ridiculous hour like 5:00 AM.  In the best of circumstances, I would have loved to make something really impressive, like eggs benedict and some kind of amazing stuffed French toast .  I actually enjoy planning this sort of big deal thing, but my schedule is so tight as it is.  Besides, I’m sure our guest  will be looking forward to something different from Japanese food by now.  A good, hearty, American breakfast classic is just what he needs!  And to be honest, it’s just what I need, too

My life is so different now.  It’s like I’m a different person.  Not bad different, just different.  I rarely go out with friends.  Almost every night of my week is taken up with class or some sort of meeting.  And the meetings aren’t as much fun because I’m so limited in who I can really be totally myself with.  And even if there’s an opportunity to hang out after a meeting, I am usually so shot from my busy day that I just want to go home and crash, or at least veg in front of the TV.

I’m sure I sound like I’m complaining.  But my spirit while writing this is not one of complaint, but of longing.  I long to have close friends around me again.  I long to laugh and have conversations without using a dictionary and gestures.  It’s not that I NEVER have fun here.  Tonight, in fact, I went out to dinner with my class and had a really good time.  I LOVE my students, truly.  They’re always so kind to me, and we always laugh in class.  But even with them, I’ll always be their teacher.

My friend Matt asked me recently if I knew how long I’d be staying in Japan.  Honestly, I don’t know.  I’m committed to at least one more year.  Maybe it will be longer – I’ll have to see what God says.  But it’s times like these when I really think about just going back home next March.